I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.
If my kid couldn't draw I'd make sure that my kitchen magnets didn't work.
I'd like to get four people who do cart wheels very good, and make a cart.
I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality.
It's very dangerous to wave to people you don't know because what if they don't have hands? They'll think you're cocky.
My belt holds my pants up, but the belt loops hold my belt up. I don't really know what's happening down there. Who is the real hero?
Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down.
You know when they have a fishing show on TV? They catch the fish and then let it go. They don't want to eat the fish, they just want to make it late for something.
An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
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